There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
