nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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