just come out here and I will go home with you...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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