I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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