I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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