he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
