party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
