You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
