definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
