insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
