He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
