Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
