She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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