Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
