That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
