my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
