Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
