tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
