I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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