so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
