he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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