Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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