I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
