Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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