Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
