I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
