i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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