jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i think i have two assholes
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
