Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk

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(914): View more from New York

We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.

(1-914): View more from New York

Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award

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(847): View more from Illinois

The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious

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(425): View more from Washington

Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.

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(301): View more from Maryland

It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.

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(512): View more from Texas

Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.

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(325): View more from Texas

He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.

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