I feel like abortions should bother me more
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
