It's Friday. Sex?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize