i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
