this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
