it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Randomize
