mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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