btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
