She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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