I feel great
I just peed on a car
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
