last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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