My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I had to cum in my sink.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
