just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
