ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
