I could have mohawked her pubes.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize