maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
