Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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