Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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