if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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