I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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