Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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