Umm I'm too high to move.
Sponge bath it is.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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