Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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