Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
