I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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