when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
