Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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