my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
