Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
