I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
