i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
