toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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