well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
