You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
