i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
