Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
