is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Randomize
