i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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