My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
