1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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