He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
