I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
